print it, i'm done

issue number one, April 13, 2004

Minesweeper Scores

Beginner: Ten seconds

Intermediate: Forty four seconds*

Expert: One hundred and sixty one seconds

*[As soon as Matt beat his previous time for the intermediate level of minesweeper he said, “Wow, that is ten seconds faster than my previous score. I don’t think I can top that.” He then immediately started another game, only this time he took his time and enjoyed the math aspect of minesweeper.]

entertainment page

CD Review: I was just at the local used music and other related media store down the street and purchased a copy of U2’s Unforgettable Fire and the new N*E*R*D album, Fly or Die. While I was there, I saw the Lost Dog’s collection by Pearl Jam. Not bad. I listened to it. I’ll get it soon I think, but I noticed something interesting about it. The title, Lost Dogs. I get it.

When a dog is lost, meaning it cant be found, you put up posters and recruit the help of others in locating the missing pooch. Hopefully, one day, he/she (b***h) will turn up again and find itself smothered in kisses and high squeals by its master(s). The dog would then be found. Since these songs once were lost, but now they’re found, shouldn’t the CD be called, Found Dogs or Located Dogs? Is it a coincidence that D-O-G is G-O-D spelled backwards? I don’t know…you tell me.

By aaron baggett

A Review of the Austin Gypsy scene.

by Robin Gierhart

Yesterday I went and had my palms read by a psychic. I thought it would also be funny because it was Easter. I went with my friend Reno.

Immediately as we walk in to a suitably small house, we are led to sit on this huge plush black velvet couch in the "waiting room" (which is right before you hit the dining room). There was an assortment of decor sprucing up the room, religious and the like. The Footprints poem was on the wall, and on the opposite was a little Buddha shrine area. I was getting scrambled signals. The women came in, who reminded me of Jarmila, and asked us what we wanted. I said to know my future, and she glared at me, Reno neutrally said to get our palms read. So she said she would be right back. Another women appeared, looking no older than 17. She asked who would go first, I have to admit, I have secretly always wanted to do this, so I said I would, casually.

I followed her into the dining room, and went to the back where there were two chairs facing each other. No more than 10 feet away were some people cooking. Everyone looked like they just got back from church.

She asked me what I wanted, and then proceeded to explain everything that she could do. I told her I don't expect much, just a palm reading. Then she asked me to place my money in my left hand. I left my purse in the waiting room with Reno, so I had to go get it.

All I had was a 20, and the palm thing was a ten. She told me that she didn't have any change. I just kind of looked at her, and contemplated just walking out...but then she said, "I don't normally do this, but I will give you an Easter special." (this just really involved a more in-depth reading that included an important warning.) I said fine, whatever, my curiosity usually gets the better of me in situations like these, and I don't care about the money.

So I made two wishes, which were to be off book for the show, and to lose weight, one thing I knew would happen, the other, not really caring if it happened because I am already pretty thin. Then she told me to open my palms and look at her.

Everything that fallows would be exactly what you would expect to hear. Love is coming, you will be successful, you are from a middle class background. She did say two interesting things though. The first one, I just laughed. She said that there was a guy who had dark hair, dark skin, and dark eyes in my life and that he was trouble. "I'm just warning you," she said, "stay away from the Mexican." I had to laugh because that is what Reno is. Another thing she told me was not to go swimming August 1-5. So naturally I am thinking of having a pool party. Mark it on your calendar. She concluded that I should pray more and read Psalms 23. I didn't know what to do with the religious advice, it sounds silly coming from her.

At the end she told me I could ask her a question. So I asked her about my honors thesis. I don't think she understood what that was. She just told me to follow my heart, it could be stressful, but I was a hard worker. I just looked at her. I asked her again and she just regurgitated the same reply.

Through this experience, I don't believe in 17 year old psychics.

An Essay about coolness, by Matt Gierhart

To be cool or not to be cool that is the question. I know that your thinking the stupidest things in the world is a ‘cool list.’ I agree. That is exactly why there is one. This isn’t a standard section of Matt’s Mag. (I need a logo). I just wanted to make list of the things that I want all of you stop doing or start doing.

Ultimately I think the idea behind being cool is seeing what you can pull off. The person who can pull off the most wins. Think about a guy who wears a pink shirt and isn’t old and he does know better.

The new cool (I almost titled this section, On the Cool, but I didn’t)

Thrash Metal (as long as the band is anti-metalica, which includes motorhead)
Snakes
Scorpions
Pirates
crassness
Pretending to be happy when you are depressed
Messy hair that appears like it was fixed in the morning, “it didn’t start out this way, and it is just that they said that, next thing I know I’m on the floor worrying about much more than my hair.”
Selling out
As always any form of the Dolphins (except if it is a tattoo), and cute baby animals (puppies, kittens, and shit)
Not being yourself: blithely.
Rough drafts

Still cool, but your days are numbered

Liking really dorky things and flaunting it (I’m speaking to you retro).
Individual sports (in particular cycling)
Corduroy blazers
Flip flop rock

That’s it. You know, as I make up the list I completely agree that as soon as I say something is cool it becomes stupid. But crassness is on the list.

Fucking with the Czech Children In Europe everybody walks, because

A multiplied of reasons. I don’t have a car so I

Have become European, or a pedestrian. Because

Everyone walks it is strange to say hello to strangers

It is not because they are rude, but they are use to strangers

And don’t feel the desire to make friends out of strangers. I

Agree with this philosophy, but more importantly I see room to

Fuck with the Children of the Czech Republic.

I was walking next to the skateboards and I said hello in the

Most formal way possible. I was very polite, and they looked at me and

Saw that I had mastered Tony Haw one through four, and that I had the

Ability to mast Tony Hawk underground when I return to America. So they

Looked at me strangely and said nothing. I say hello to the everyday. Everyday.

So I often say hello to the children. I am

Always sure to say the most formal hello, one that you would only say to a proper adult. This is my life style. So the other day I was saying hello to these kids walking by and then laughing after they passed and they fell for it, confused as forest bees. Next thing I know the lone ranger is up ahead of me dressed as a young boy. He has hockey stick and a lesson to teach me.

I paid no attention at first. He stopped walking and waited for what ended up to be me. As soon as I got three to four feet from him he took off running. I said to myself:

“that is interesting.”

This game of waiting and running took place for ten minutes or so. I started to look at him. He would also run if I looked at him, it was like a new rule.

I was confused like a forest bee. It was the hockey stick.

The reason I believe the hockey stick is the things that was so confusing is because I expect kids to believe violence is the answer, after all that is all the see in their video games and on television. So I thought the lone ranger would beat me for picking on the kids. I was ready for a physical attack, not a game. Hats off for the lone ranger confusing me.

This issue I stole two entertainment reviews from two people who I knew wouldn’t be that mad at me for the crime. I don’t plan on ever doing it again. I do plan on asking in my most humble manor, is there anyone who would like to submit articles. My rules include:

1. Any font/ color/ format is accepted

2. Anything that is written about me; good or bad is automatically accepted.

3. No pornography, let’s keep it clean guys.

The picture as you can see is a little off. But his answers to the questions are as straight as it gets. Let me explain.

A spoon full ways a ton

I’m not sure when or where the decision came about, but somewhere along the string of time Jason Dean put his hand through the internet asking for a shake. While he has claimed, and I believe him, that it has been a pleasurable experience, and that many people out there are just looking for a message or two on rainy days. I believe him. I believe his willingness just as much as I can imagine him to glee with an old fashion “ol’ boy” when he received his first message. But why is the mystery that is Dean doing this. Desperation? Absurdity? The new cool? These are all the questions I wish to cover in an essay I call, a spoonful weights a ton (stolen from the lips.)

with two other roommates and a fiancée (not his). He has plenty to do on the weekends, I’m always hearing statements like, I think I’ll stay in this weekend. Sure enough on Monday, “I’m tired, long weekend.” He had two parties for his recent 21^st birthday. I think the facts are there for a flourishing social life. So I think the immediate question of him reaching out to the internet maybe the common, and stereotypical, question of love. Are you looking for love Jason Dean.

No.

Jason specifically stated on his profile that he is looking for a friend of either sex, granted all of his ‘internet friends’ listed on his page are female (one even going under the alias sexy monster). If something came up as in a friend wanted to be more than a friend would he allow it?

Depends.

The answer goes further than people.

From what I understand, and I swear it is inaccurate, about the history of Dean’s friends, the ones he had in high school were quite different then the ones he had now. To be frank, and I think I’m using his words, he was in a dork environment. I don’t know how each one of my readers grew up. I’m still not sure how I grew up. But to go off his words I think this world presents the subject with a (socially) nothing to lose attitude. I have always believed this as the coolness factor when the nerd rock guy came out (he had nothing to lose, so here are his emotions), it is risky. If this is true, and I see it as semi, then Dean went through high school with a few tight friends who would love him and accept him for whatever. Knowing the same is true for his current environment, he is allowed for comedic and loss of failure reasons to create a photo like did (posted at the beginning of this article). While Jason has had these friends he also was different enough to go to a school where he knew no one and force himself to say ‘hello.’

Jason is a modern guy. He wants to meet people, meet good other normal modern people. He wants to make friends. He isn’t indie enough to say that the internet and technology is ridiculous. He isn’t angst ridden enough to say that he has enough friends, like yours truly. He is a modern guy who wants to say ‘hello, how are you?’ And he isn’t afraid to admit it.

I don’t think any of this is that out of the ordinary, but not only for the angst aspect, but why does Jason want new friends. Why put himself out there after he has created two batches of wonderful friends.

I will tell you why. Because the heart of Jason believes that people are cool. If someone messages him, how nice. How nice it is for you to say hello to me today. So many times in this modern world of seeing who can be the most hip we try to be the one who you should impress. Impress me and I will grant you a hello. Who are you a King. Jason is happy to accept his life. An honest man doing the hard job:

Sticking his hand out first.